Here's my list of things I'd like to talk about today:
Bantha Fodder Panties
Bracelets
Stabbings
Fair Frolics
Bantha Fodder Panties.
I've heard this term recently and it's really as horrible as it sounds. I'm not going to get too descriptive about this but my advice to you is not only to dispose of these filthy, sharted, stink cloths...but dispose of them with fire. Do it before your roommate's dog finds them and embarasses you.
Bracelets.
I've been making bracelets lately to sell on Etsy and so far I've only posted 1. I have a few pics of the finished products, but I need a better camera than the one on my abused little iPhone 4. It did take pretty good pictures before, well, I happened to it. Whatever, just look at these pics.
Stabbings.
I was cleaning my sewing area last week in my bare little feets and jammed a seam ripper into the top of my foot. I stepped on it with my right heel and it went sideways into my left foot. I don't know exactly how I did this. The little plastic ball coating one pointy end had fallen off on my seam ripper and that end also went into my foot with the longer, sharp pointy blade meant for ripping thread and fabric. It was stuck at the arch of the seam ripper. Juice Pig had to pull it out for me while I covered my eyes like a pant-peeing toddler watching a scary movie.
I also stabbed a needle into my finger about 20 minutes later.
I have healed and have not sustained any lasting physical damage.
I went to the California State Fair over the weekend with a bunch of ladies. Names have been changed to protect myself from fists of angry friends and/or relatives. And also their pets.
Tall Boy Girl drove Rock Star and I to Sacramento from the city of San Francisco. Nothing broke on the way there, except perhaps the lining of my bladder. We met up with our Sacramento friend and host, World Mom, and continued to the fair. It was a hot, sweaty ass (literally) day but we had a drink right away and continued to the animal buildings. I bonded with a guinea pig and poked a lot of furry fluff through the bars of cages.
We sauntered on over to the rides after another drink and met up with No Pants and her friend, Wiley Coyote. We decided rides was where it's at. We had a few cry babies who wanted to go on the swings, so I went (unlimited wrist band power!) and even had a swell time much to my surprise.
We took a break from rides after a few twists and turns, some of us had drinks, and we headed to the large animal exhibits and afterward, the petting zoo. I don't know how I didn't get kicked out of the petting zoo. I picked up a goat, took a pretend dump on a llama, and licked a wallaby. Not my finest moments.
There was a concert at the end of the night and everyone was sitting on a grassy hill watching the stage. One dude at the top of hill was just dancing like a maniac. He wasn't a good dancer and I'm not sure if he was drunk, but he was really into the music. A few of us ladies went up to join him and had a dance-off, much to the astonishment of innocent fair-goers sitting on the hill next to us. It was not impressive.
More rides, and then I destroyed by insides by eating filthy fair food. It was the first meal of the day and the only food stand nearby the rides that I saw was a BBQ stand. I ordered beef brisket. Apparently 'brisket' means rotting heifer labia because I think that's what I was chewing. Rock Star tried it and said the meat was bad, but I ate that entire cow vagina anyway. I think it's still rotting away inside me.
That was the fair, in a coconut shell.
A moment of silence for the animals that have been mentally scarred by my actions.
-Sugarpill
